Help! I'm in a nutshell
I'll be erecting tents and scaling mountains in the Drakensberg on Friday, so here's tomorrow's post a little early, to introduce the weekend on a fun note.
I've already covered 2 cult comedies in the Most Quotable Movies feature: Zoolander and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I'd probably classify this third entry in the series as a cult comedy too, because although it lead to 2 massively successful sequels, the first movie was only really "discovered" by audiences when it reached video stores. In other words its release predated the mainstream leap onto the bandwagon, when suddenly we were inundated with horrible "Shagadelic", blobby font advertisements and our parents started gleefully using catch phrases like "Groovy, baby, yeah!"
I'm talking, of course, about Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. Personally, I think it remains the best of the series.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That's Dr. Evil's cat!
Vanessa Kensington: How can you tell?
Austin Powers: I never forget a pussy... cat.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!
-------------------------------------------------
Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: All I'm say...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: There gonna get a...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm just...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: Would...
Dr. Evil: Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: what say, you, we go out on the town and swing, baby? Yea
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to my underground Lair.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington: Did you used protection ?
Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom?
Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Yeah, baby, yeah!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
-------------------------------------------------
[filling out a form]
Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Allow myself to introduce... myself!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Judo chop!
-------------------------------------------------
[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
-------------------------------------------------
U.N. Representative: So, Mr. Evil...
Dr. Evil: It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Who throws a shoe? Honestly!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?
-------------------------------------------------
Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.
-------------------------------------------------
Basil Exposition: Austin, the Cold War is over!
Austin Powers: Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?
Basil Exposition: Austin... we won.
Austin Powers: Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I like to see girls of that... caliber.
[pause]
Dr. Evil: By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx... How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn't just say that all out loud just now.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
Austin Powers: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!
-------------------------------------------------
Cowboy: Whoo! That is one crazy get-up, mister... Are you in the show?
Austin Powers: No, actually, I'm English.
Cowboy: Oh... I'm sorry.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I'm with it. I'm hip.
-------------------------------------------------
Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Hit for four] :21. Very good, sir.
[to Austin]
Casino Dealer: :5.
Austin Powers: I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
-------------------------------------------------
[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that's it! You show that turd who's boss.
[Looking at the man that Austin Powers had drowned and left in the toilet]
Cowboy: Jesus Christ, boy! What did you eat?
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I demand the sum... OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS.
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: [holding Scott hostage] It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott Evil: But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil: I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit! They were insolent!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
[One of the fembots stands over him and opens her legs]
Austin Powers: Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: [has just farted in Alotta's hot tub] Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below.
-------------------------------------------------
Easily Fooled Security Guard: [Hypnotized attempt at a British accent] I brought you your orange SHER-bert.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: This is Frau Frabissina, founder and leader of the militant wing of the Salvation Army.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Number Two: Don't you think we should ask for *more* than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year!
Dr. Evil: Really? That's a lot of money.
[pause]
Dr. Evil: Okay then, we hold the world ransom for...
Dr. Evil: One... Hundred... BILLION DOLLARS!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Oh, behave!
-------------------------------------------------
General: Phillips, call the President. Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag...
and feed my fish. Not too much.
-------------------------------------------------
Cryogenics voice-over: Stage two: warm liquid goo phase beginning. Warm liquid goo phase complete.
-------------------------------------------------
Mustafa: Somebody help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned... Hello up there! Anyone? Could someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: In the sixties, I developed a weather-changing machine... a sophisticated heat beam which we called a laser."
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Why don't we go in the back and shag?
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.
Vanessa Kensington: Excuse me?
Austin Powers: My wedding tackle.
Vanessa Kensington: I'm sorry--
Austin Powers: My meat and two veg, my twig and berries.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I won't bite...hard.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Oh, turbulence! Look at that! I've gone over! Oh, I fell over again!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I'm just trying to get a rise out of you... for shits and giggles.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I'm sorry.
Vanessa Kensington: Why?
Austin Powers: I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die.
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: But first . Let's make love... you silly hairy little man.
Austin Powers: That's the spot, all right. That's the spot right there. Look at that, now.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewife: Yes, my husband is a henchman in Dr Evil´s private army... People never think how things affect the family of a henchman.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: What's your plan?
Austin Powers: First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: [singing to attract missing Mr Bigglesworth] I want chicken, I want liver. Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: Silence, Number Two!
Number Two: No. I've had enough of you pushing me around.
-------------------------------------------------
Basil: Did you get my other gift?
Austin Powers: We did.
Vanessa Kensington: Yes, Basil, nice rack.
I've already covered 2 cult comedies in the Most Quotable Movies feature: Zoolander and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
I'd probably classify this third entry in the series as a cult comedy too, because although it lead to 2 massively successful sequels, the first movie was only really "discovered" by audiences when it reached video stores. In other words its release predated the mainstream leap onto the bandwagon, when suddenly we were inundated with horrible "Shagadelic", blobby font advertisements and our parents started gleefully using catch phrases like "Groovy, baby, yeah!"
I'm talking, of course, about Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. Personally, I think it remains the best of the series.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That's Dr. Evil's cat!
Vanessa Kensington: How can you tell?
Austin Powers: I never forget a pussy... cat.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later? How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first? You know, top and tails... whore's bath? Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage a bit of a 'how's your father'!
-------------------------------------------------
Scott Evil: It's no hassle...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: All I'm say...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: There gonna get a...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: I'm just...
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: Would...
Dr. Evil: Sh!... Knock-knock.
Scott Evil: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Sh!
Scott Evil: But...
Dr. Evil: Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh! Sh! even before you start. That was a pre-emptive "sh!" Now, I have a whole bag of "sh!" with your name on it.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: what say, you, we go out on the town and swing, baby? Yea
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to my underground Lair.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: I don't want to sound paranoid, but I've had some bad relationships in the past, and I have been known to be jealous. I'm sorry.
Austin Powers: No, don't be sorry, baby. You're right to be suspicious. I shagged her.
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I shagged her rotten, baby, yeah!
Vanessa Kensington: Did you used protection ?
Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant, did you use a condom?
Austin Powers: No, only sailors wear condoms baby.
Vanessa Kensington: Not in the '90s Austin.
Austin Powers: Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Yeah, baby, yeah!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
-------------------------------------------------
[filling out a form]
Austin Powers: Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Allow myself to introduce... myself!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Judo chop!
-------------------------------------------------
[Austin and Vanessa see a man decapitated]
Austin Powers: Not the time to lose one's head.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: That's not the way to get ahead in life.
Vanessa Kensington: No.
Austin Powers: It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.
Vanessa Kensington: Hmm.
Austin Powers: He'll never be the head of a major corporation.
Vanessa Kensington: Okay, that'll do.
Austin Powers: Okay.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: That's you in a nutshell.
Austin Powers: No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
-------------------------------------------------
U.N. Representative: So, Mr. Evil...
Dr. Evil: It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Who throws a shoe? Honestly!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Actually, my name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?
-------------------------------------------------
Scott Evil: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.
Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all.
-------------------------------------------------
Basil Exposition: Austin, the Cold War is over!
Austin Powers: Finally those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh? Eh comrades? Eh?
Basil Exposition: Austin... we won.
Austin Powers: Oh, smashing, groovy, yay capitalism!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I like to see girls of that... caliber.
[pause]
Dr. Evil: By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx... How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn't just say that all out loud just now.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties. You know, a lot's changed since 1967.
Austin Powers: No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!
-------------------------------------------------
Cowboy: Whoo! That is one crazy get-up, mister... Are you in the show?
Austin Powers: No, actually, I'm English.
Cowboy: Oh... I'm sorry.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I'm with it. I'm hip.
-------------------------------------------------
Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: [Hit for four] :21. Very good, sir.
[to Austin]
Casino Dealer: :5.
Austin Powers: I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
-------------------------------------------------
[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that's it! You show that turd who's boss.
[Looking at the man that Austin Powers had drowned and left in the toilet]
Cowboy: Jesus Christ, boy! What did you eat?
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: I demand the sum... OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS.
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: [holding Scott hostage] It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not really. Kill the little bastard, see if I care.
Scott Evil: But dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil: I had the group LIQUIDATED, you little shit! They were insolent!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers.
[One of the fembots stands over him and opens her legs]
Austin Powers: Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: [has just farted in Alotta's hot tub] Pardon me for being rude, it was not me it was my food, it just popped up to say hello, but now it's gone back down below.
-------------------------------------------------
Easily Fooled Security Guard: [Hypnotized attempt at a British accent] I brought you your orange SHER-bert.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: This is Frau Frabissina, founder and leader of the militant wing of the Salvation Army.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Throw me a frickin' bone here!
-------------------------------------------------
Dr. Evil: Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Number Two: Don't you think we should ask for *more* than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days. Virtucon alone makes over 9 billion dollars a year!
Dr. Evil: Really? That's a lot of money.
[pause]
Dr. Evil: Okay then, we hold the world ransom for...
Dr. Evil: One... Hundred... BILLION DOLLARS!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Oh, behave!
-------------------------------------------------
General: Phillips, call the President. Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag...
and feed my fish. Not too much.
-------------------------------------------------
Cryogenics voice-over: Stage two: warm liquid goo phase beginning. Warm liquid goo phase complete.
-------------------------------------------------
Mustafa: Somebody help me! I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned... Hello up there! Anyone? Could someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: In the sixties, I developed a weather-changing machine... a sophisticated heat beam which we called a laser."
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Why don't we go in the back and shag?
Vanessa Kensington: What?
Austin Powers: I've been frozen for 30 years. I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.
Vanessa Kensington: Excuse me?
Austin Powers: My wedding tackle.
Vanessa Kensington: I'm sorry--
Austin Powers: My meat and two veg, my twig and berries.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I won't bite...hard.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: Oh, turbulence! Look at that! I've gone over! Oh, I fell over again!
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I'm just trying to get a rise out of you... for shits and giggles.
-------------------------------------------------
Austin Powers: I'm sorry.
Vanessa Kensington: Why?
Austin Powers: I'm sorry that bug up your ass had to die.
-------------------------------------------------
Alotta Fagina: But first . Let's make love... you silly hairy little man.
Austin Powers: That's the spot, all right. That's the spot right there. Look at that, now.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewife: Yes, my husband is a henchman in Dr Evil´s private army... People never think how things affect the family of a henchman.
-------------------------------------------------
Vanessa Kensington: What's your plan?
Austin Powers: First, I plan to soil myself. Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: [singing to attract missing Mr Bigglesworth] I want chicken, I want liver. Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver.
-------------------------------------------------
Dr Evil: Silence, Number Two!
Number Two: No. I've had enough of you pushing me around.
-------------------------------------------------
Basil: Did you get my other gift?
Austin Powers: We did.
Vanessa Kensington: Yes, Basil, nice rack.
Comments