Heido-ho to Switzerland!

Switzerland I would probably have to describe as a theme park. The whole country just seems too good to be true. From the crystal clear fresh water lakes to the towering Alps, from the fairy tale castles to the fact that you can leave your bicycle on the street without chaining it up, the whole place just feels completely unreal.

It was ironic then that the hotel where we spent the night in Lucerne was actually a former prison for white collar criminals – the Lowengraben Jailhotel. So, yes, these dodgy South Africans got to spend the night behind bars, sleeping on bunks or cots. And we did it in Switzerland. It was a novel, fun experience, even if our breakfast the next morning was typical spartan prison fare – just cornflakes and dry bread.



Sssshhhhhhh.... Prisoners escaping...

Communication

The Swiss are quadrilingual, speaking English, French, German and Italian. If in doubt, though, German is probably your best bet for greeting people and beginning an interaction.

Activities & Attractions

We didn’t go to Zurich or Geneva, and only passed fleetingly through Bern (where you can see the preserved body of Barry, the famous St Bernard), so I can’t comment on Swiss cultural activities and experiences in much detail.

However, we spent the afternoon and evening in Lucerne, and there you can check out 2 beautiful wooden bridges that date back to medieval times. One is decorated with over a dozen paintings, each depicting skeletons and death in some form. To the north of the city centre there’s also a very impressive lion monument carved into a rock face, which symbolises the 18th Century betrayal of the Swiss by the French. If you’re not up for the stroll there though, you can just relax at Lucerne's pleasant waterfront, and watch the swans cruising around the lake (that's how unpolluted the place is).


Away from the cities, Switzerland is a mix of pastoral and rocky peaks, so your options include hiking and mountain climbing in the Summer months, and skiing and other snow activities in Winter.


Contiki Optionals

Mount Stanserhorn – This optional is definitely worth doing. The views are unbelievable, and so crisp that when you look at your photos afterward they seem to have been Photoshopped. Basically you get to ride to the top of Stanserhorn on a combination of vintage funicular and cable car. We were lucky to have exceptionally clear, warm weather on the day we were there – apparently there’s no point in going all the way to the top of the mountain when it’s overcast. You won’t see anything.

Honestly, I would have preferred to have had a bit more time than just 45 minutes at the top of Stanserhorn, because there’s quite a bit to see and do up there – including looking for dassie-like marmots, doing a walking trail, checking out the Revolving Restaurant and getting some hot chocolate at the cheaper café.



Evening lake cruise – This was another pleasant activity to keep us amused after dark in quiet Lucerne. It’s really a chance to see the city all lit up at night, looking even more Disneyland-ish. Admittedly it was very cold on the boat, but then again we chose to stay on the exposed upper deck instead of heading downstairs to the enclosed cabin. At least our free drink, incorporated in the cruise price, included hot chocolate as an option.


Food & Drink

Switzerland is largely mountainous, meaning it doesn’t have much in the way of arable land for producing crops. To compensate for this, most of their food is imported, and, as a result, it's expensive. However, much like cuckoo clocks, watches, and Swiss Army Knives, any food that IS produced locally is very affordable and very well made. In the case of Switzerland, that means dairy – more specifically cheese and chocolate.


I can’t speak about the local cheese, but going into a Swiss chocolatier’s shop is a mind-blowing experience. The choice of chocolates is amazing. Of course you get the big names like Toblerone, Lindt and Nestle, but it’s more fun to try out the brands you can’t get at home - as well as the individually packed, handmade truffles. This is chocolate that really lives up to the hype.


Impressions & Interesting Facts

Always fiercely independent, Switzerland is not part of the EU, so upon entering you’ll need to have your passport ready. South Africans will be pleased to know that you don’t need a Schengen Visa to visit Switzerland. They’re actually a nation that’s friendly to South African travelers.

Of course, on entering Switzerland you’ll be switching your currency from the Euro to the Swiss Franc (with its weird, cheap-looking, rainbow notes). Most places however accept Euros, even if they’ll give you your change in Francs.

Switzerland is the most nationalistic country I’ve ever visited. Forget the United States and their star-spangled banner. The Swiss flag is everywhere… and I mean EVERYWHERE. It even crept onto our dessert.


To get into Switzerland from Italy you pass through a 17km tunnel. We did it to the music of Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds. It provided the perfectly appropriate otherworldy soundtrack.

You can get some really funky souvenirs in Switzerland, from T-shirts to cow bells to St. Bernard fridge magnets, William Tell figurines and Heidi goodies. When shopping, distinctly Swiss items to look for include chocolate, cuckoo clocks, Swiss Army knives (Switzerland is the only place in the world where you can buy white ones) and watches, AKA precision timepieces.


Swiss cows all wear bells around their necks, so chances are you’ll hear one before you see it. These bells also have a meaning – the bigger they are, the more milk the cow has produced. This said, Swiss cattle are strange beasts. Dull and manky looking, very often you find them high up on steep mountain slopes… boldly going where most cows have never gone before.

The Swiss may appear passive and peace-loving but you really don’t want to mess with them. Every man completes compulsory military service, has 30 days of refresher training every year and has to keep a rifle and bullets in his home. Speaking of Swiss homes, apparently each one has its own compulsory nuclear bunker. If this wasn’t enough, there are extensive anti-aircraft defences across Switzerland and all tunnels and other entrances into the country can be exploded in case of invasion. The Swiss even have “attack cows”, armed with bombs around their necks instead of bells. Like I said, don’t mess with the Swiss – there’s a reason that since 1506 the Pope has used these guys as his elite guard.