Oh, the horror! The remake horror!

Clearly I’m getting old. You see the 1980s – that hallowed decade of my childhood – has become the latest property stomping ground for a creatively bankrupt Hollywood. Instead of actually coming up with new ideas, the studio decision makers have come to the conclusion that it’s far easier (and profitable) to “reboot” assorted pop culture creations from the 1980s.

What’s a little nostalgia rape when you know that twentysomethings, in the grips of a quarter life crisis, will flock to cinemas in the hope of recapturing at least a little of the joy and simplicity of their childhoods.

As a result heroes like Rocky, Rambo, Indiana Jones and John MacLane just won’t be put to rest.

Assorted 80s cartoon series, including GI Joe, Thundercats, He-Man, and even the Smurfs (2008 marks their 50th anniversary), are all set to jump from TV to the big screen in some form or other over the next 2 years. Then, of course, there are the sequels already in development for Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the first films to champion the Great 80s Cartoon Revival – and the first of these films to be embraced by audiences.


It’s not just 20 year old cartoons that are receiving a reimagining. The horror genre has been especially self-reflective of late: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn of the Dead and The Hills Have Eyes have respawned new franchises. Now the word is that Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street and even (gasp) Poltergeist are set for the same treatment. It’s already been confirmed that Robert Englund will NOT be returning to play horror icon Freddie Krueger. The striped sweater, scarred flesh and clawed glove are being passed to a successor.


What’s wrong here people? Although I admit I’m keen to see the assorted animated series resurrected, the general creative laziness does disturb me. Most of these 80s classics are freely available to purchase on DVD and they’re broadcast on TV with decent frequency.

Sure the argument exists that movie revamps will drive curious viewers to rediscover the original films (even if just for comparative purposes). For me though it still feels too much like Hollywood pandering to lazyass movie goers who can’t stomach the thought of watching something “dated” – something that doesn’t feature the latest special effects or perky breasted starlet.

Personally I think that the “dated” feel is a huge part of the appeal of revisiting 80s originals. They reflect an era in an authentic way that is impossible to duplicate today.

I have to ask, “What next? Where does it stop?” Should we be bracing ourselves next for remakes of Brat Pack flicks like The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Perhaps Ellen Page is available to step into Ally Sheedy’s gothy gear? Is Jonah Hill the perfect 21st Century Ferris? It sounds unlikely now, but give it a few years... Hollywood will inevitably come sniffing around.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Yeah, these 80s remakes are pretty crazy at the moment.

Sadly, I'm still gonna watch them all.

Clever, lazy-ass Hollywood executives. Damn you all!
Dante said…
LOL at spaceman,

Apparently Rob Zombies remake of Halloween was pretty good.

I wouldn't mind if they remade like really old movies from back in the Seventeens and Sixteens cause I wasn't around back then. But some might say that makes me selfish.

I mean 3:10 to Yuma and I am legend were remakes. Or maybe the latter was just based of the book, again. All movies these days are either based on a book or remakes. bleh

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