Weekend report back
Well, here we are again. It's the first of June. At the beginning of the year my plan was to be in the US right now, embarking on a grand adventure as I spent the North American Summer working as a counselor at a Summer Camp. It meant leaving everything and everyone that I love for 3 months. It meant uncertainty afterwards, as going meant I was forced to quit my job. But it meant something new and different and challenging. It meant an escape from the rush hour commute, as well as an escape from imprisonment in a silent, grey-walled office every day for 9 hours.
However, thanks to the Recession, the fact that I'm "too old" at 27, and that my skills are considered to be "too cultural," today I'm sitting in the grey-walled office, bracing myself for a full week of writing about tampons. I'm out of pocket by well over R800, non-refundable (never EVER use YDP - a bunch of fucking con artists) - and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm missed my chance at living out that specific dream.
I'm actually feeling incredibly low at the moment, for multiple reasons, so please excuse me if I seem a bit withdrawn and reticent. I keep getting struck by tearful surges I have to just swallow down, while all the time my mind is well aware that I'm frozen, stagnating. I'm functional, but my life is a soulless treadmill run at the moment, with nothing to work towards, and little to look forward to.
I find that keeping busy with my hobbies, and physical activity, helps but that's about it.
Speaking of hobbies, I finished my first painting in 9 years this weekend. It's still drying at home, but here is a comparison between the original source image and my painting (Medium: oil paint & permanent marker on canvas). Apart from a few deviations in angle, I think it turned out pretty solidly if I do say so myself. For the record, I won't be keeping this painting. It will soon by joining others above the company bar area - we were each tasked with creating one.
Anyway, in terms of my other weekend activities, we combined our weekly Dungeons & Dragons session with a braai and Super 14 Final viewing on Saturday evening (even if as a Sharks supporter I couldn't bring myself to cheer for the Blue Bulls). As for D&D each of the 3 players picked up another fate point for having encountered and defeated all extra-planar armies in the Empire. Herkon, my paladin, also proved surprisingly lucky in terms of loot - he picked up new fire resistant plate armor, as well as a periapt of wisdom to seriously boost his spellcasting abilities.
Otherwise my weekend was spent checking out the fete fundraiser at the Pinetown Catholic Church on Saturday morning (yay for baked goods and home made preserves), and watching several movies. Having watched 300 8+ times now I have to admit I did get a kick out of juvenile spoof, Meet the Spartans. At least it was focused chiefly on one movie as opposed to trying to generate a flimsy story framework from multiple films (e.g. Disaster Movie, Epic Movie).
Sunday was a retro movie day, as I rewatched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and saw Apocalypse Now (Redux version) for the very first time.
Alas, the more I revisit Star Wars the more I'm convinced that the series was designed simply for children... which in turn excuses a lot of bullshit in Episodes I through III. Most of us just have a strong fondness for the original films, and overlook their silliness, because they played such a major role in our childhood entertainment diets. This said, I still think ewoks rock. I totally agree with a recent quote I read online about them - "They look like teddy bears and fight like the Vietcong." There's no better combination.
Speaking of the Vietcong, Francis Ford Coppola's Vietnam flick Apocalypse Now is amazing. It does lose narrative momentum towards the end - as does Joseph Conrad's novel Heart of Darkness, on which the film is based - but damn, the film is impressive. It plays out like a nightmare, with weird encounters that just get more and more disturbing. Never has the absurdity of war, and the madness is produces, come through more powerfully. I'm on a totally 'Nam movie kick at the moment. I really need to get my paws on The Deer Hunter and Platoon, both of which are classics I've regretfully never seen.
I then rounded off the weekend working on my next Girlz 'N' Games comic (due for online debut later this week) while watching Tootsie, probably the best cross-dressing comedy next to Some Like it Hot. Afterwards I cried myself to sleep for multiple reasons...
However, thanks to the Recession, the fact that I'm "too old" at 27, and that my skills are considered to be "too cultural," today I'm sitting in the grey-walled office, bracing myself for a full week of writing about tampons. I'm out of pocket by well over R800, non-refundable (never EVER use YDP - a bunch of fucking con artists) - and I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm missed my chance at living out that specific dream.
I'm actually feeling incredibly low at the moment, for multiple reasons, so please excuse me if I seem a bit withdrawn and reticent. I keep getting struck by tearful surges I have to just swallow down, while all the time my mind is well aware that I'm frozen, stagnating. I'm functional, but my life is a soulless treadmill run at the moment, with nothing to work towards, and little to look forward to.
I find that keeping busy with my hobbies, and physical activity, helps but that's about it.
Speaking of hobbies, I finished my first painting in 9 years this weekend. It's still drying at home, but here is a comparison between the original source image and my painting (Medium: oil paint & permanent marker on canvas). Apart from a few deviations in angle, I think it turned out pretty solidly if I do say so myself. For the record, I won't be keeping this painting. It will soon by joining others above the company bar area - we were each tasked with creating one.
Anyway, in terms of my other weekend activities, we combined our weekly Dungeons & Dragons session with a braai and Super 14 Final viewing on Saturday evening (even if as a Sharks supporter I couldn't bring myself to cheer for the Blue Bulls). As for D&D each of the 3 players picked up another fate point for having encountered and defeated all extra-planar armies in the Empire. Herkon, my paladin, also proved surprisingly lucky in terms of loot - he picked up new fire resistant plate armor, as well as a periapt of wisdom to seriously boost his spellcasting abilities.
Otherwise my weekend was spent checking out the fete fundraiser at the Pinetown Catholic Church on Saturday morning (yay for baked goods and home made preserves), and watching several movies. Having watched 300 8+ times now I have to admit I did get a kick out of juvenile spoof, Meet the Spartans. At least it was focused chiefly on one movie as opposed to trying to generate a flimsy story framework from multiple films (e.g. Disaster Movie, Epic Movie).
Sunday was a retro movie day, as I rewatched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and saw Apocalypse Now (Redux version) for the very first time.
Alas, the more I revisit Star Wars the more I'm convinced that the series was designed simply for children... which in turn excuses a lot of bullshit in Episodes I through III. Most of us just have a strong fondness for the original films, and overlook their silliness, because they played such a major role in our childhood entertainment diets. This said, I still think ewoks rock. I totally agree with a recent quote I read online about them - "They look like teddy bears and fight like the Vietcong." There's no better combination.
Speaking of the Vietcong, Francis Ford Coppola's Vietnam flick Apocalypse Now is amazing. It does lose narrative momentum towards the end - as does Joseph Conrad's novel Heart of Darkness, on which the film is based - but damn, the film is impressive. It plays out like a nightmare, with weird encounters that just get more and more disturbing. Never has the absurdity of war, and the madness is produces, come through more powerfully. I'm on a totally 'Nam movie kick at the moment. I really need to get my paws on The Deer Hunter and Platoon, both of which are classics I've regretfully never seen.
I then rounded off the weekend working on my next Girlz 'N' Games comic (due for online debut later this week) while watching Tootsie, probably the best cross-dressing comedy next to Some Like it Hot. Afterwards I cried myself to sleep for multiple reasons...
Comments
Sorry to hear that, gotta be frustrating. But kudos for attempting something so radically different and outside all comfort zones.
Don't give up, if you keep trying to make something happen you will eventually hit on success. :)
In the mean time you may want to get out and have a few good parties, works for me when I need to vent angst.
As for the partying it's difficult for me. Most of the time I find the frenzy too fake, and these days I really struggle with night driving from Durban all the way home. As a woman alone I don't feel safe or comfortable doing it, and that really blows.
I've been putting my angst into exercise instead.
Ahh, I take it that means the obvious. Sorry to hear that, it really sucks, I know.
When you're ready, mail the gang, getting out and doing social activities with friends really does help balm the pain. Doesn't have to be a party, group picnics in the sun are good too.
And if night driving is a struggle, just impose yourself on G&S's couch. It's not like they can use it to watch their broken TV anyway :P
Anyway, good luck.
My life is going nowhere here in multiple areas; I am well aware I have to summon the courage to crawl out of the rut into vast, dangerous uncertainty and fuck the consequences.