The movies of 2009: Part 3
Right, here is Part 3 of the 2009 Movies List:
Bruno
The time is so right for Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat follow-up, the mock documentary Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. As you may have guessed, this time Cohen adopts the persona of his third famous character, a marvelously queer Austrian fashionista, to shock conservative America.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Transformers isn't the only 80's cartoon getting the big screen live-action treatment this year. There's also that top secret squad of military operatives who keep the world safe from the evil forces of Cobra! Go Joe! The Mummy's Stephen Sommers is directing what is sure to be action-packed and utterly ridiculous, with lots of young buff bodies running around in figure-hugging body armour.
The Wolfman
A remake of the classic Universal horror film, the Wolfman has the already semi-feral Benicio Del Toro donning fangs and claws to terrorise a small community in Victorian England. There have been reported problems on set, but it certainly will be interesting to see a good classic werewolf film again, a'la An American Werewolf in London.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
I actually profiled this one as part of this week's Trailer Tuesday feature. Basically the Underworld saga continues in this third installment, sans Kate Beckinsale. Instead, the action centres on the origin of the intense animosity between the Death Dealers (vampires) and Lycans (werewolves) - and is set in Europe during the Dark Ages.
Dead Snow
What's better than hacking and slashing through zombies? How about hacking and slashing through Nazi zombies? This Norwegian horror flick has been gaining a strong following wherever it's screened. Basically it focuses on a group of sex-crazed medical students on a skiing trip who suddenly find their log cabin surrounded by the undead... in uniform. Apparently it's incredibly bloody and a lot of fun.
The Lovely Bones
Lord of the Rings director Peter's Jackson's follow-up to King Kong, The Lovely Bones is based on the best-selling supernatural novel. It focuses on a young girl who is murdered and then watches over her family and killer from the afterlife.
I always pay attention whatever Jackson is doing. Pity the film stars Mark Wahlberg *groan*.
2012
From the director of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow comes another big, presumably dumb, apocalypse film. This time the world comes to an end as the Mayan calendar runs to the conclusion of its centuries-long cycle. The teaser trailer showed the Himalayas being swamped by a mega tidal wave if that gives you any indication of what to expect from the film.
Cheri
A very strange addition to this list, but I can't resist mentioning this end-of-year release which re-teams director Stephen Frears with his Dangerous Liaisons star, Michelle Pfeiffer, and centres on an ageing courtesan and her new young lover. Frears helped Helen Mirren to Oscar glory with The Queen. I'm holding thumbs that he can do the same for Michelle. It's long overdue!
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I'm not interested at all in any of these sequels/reboots, but that seems to put me in the minority as many people are apparently very excited. so, presenting...
Movies I don't give a shit about but other people clearly do:
Fast & Furious
Yes, that ridiculous street racing franchise is back for the FOURTH time, only now it reunites the original's buff, tough and beautiful cast, including Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Michelle Rodriguez. Well, it's not exactly like any of them had something better lined up.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
People just seemed to love the original family film about a down-on-his-luck inventor turned museum security guard (Ben Stiller) who discovers that the exhibits come to life every night. This time, during a museum upgrade the exhibits are relocated to the Federal Archives in Washington, D.C. where new things awaken. Expect much of the same as Museum 1, only with a different selection of stars (including Amy Adams) in the various supporting roles.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
Loud, explosive, overly engineered, incredibly dumb and featuring a semi-naked, glistening Megan Fox - why yes it's time for that inevitable sequel to the live-action film based on the 80's cartoon. This time new things turn into other things, and the plot centres on earlier Cybertron visits to Ancient Egypt.
Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li
I remember the abomination that was the original Street Fighter movie back in the day - Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia bouncing all over a set that made Mortal Kombat look like Lord of the Rings. Now we have a kind of Street Fighter reboot, focusing on Chun Li's (Smallville's Kristin Kreuk) fight for justice. It sounds just as Z-grade as the original film, with even less of a connection to the original game.
Race to Witch Mountain
Back in the 1970s and early 1980s there were a handful of Witch Mountain films, based on the original novel about 2 children of extra-terrestrial origin on the run from the authorities. Now the Disney series is back and it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson helping out the blonde brother and sister. I'm really just indifferent to this film. I'm sure it will be passable entertainment for the kiddies and their folks.
Bruno
The time is so right for Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat follow-up, the mock documentary Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt. As you may have guessed, this time Cohen adopts the persona of his third famous character, a marvelously queer Austrian fashionista, to shock conservative America.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Transformers isn't the only 80's cartoon getting the big screen live-action treatment this year. There's also that top secret squad of military operatives who keep the world safe from the evil forces of Cobra! Go Joe! The Mummy's Stephen Sommers is directing what is sure to be action-packed and utterly ridiculous, with lots of young buff bodies running around in figure-hugging body armour.
The Wolfman
A remake of the classic Universal horror film, the Wolfman has the already semi-feral Benicio Del Toro donning fangs and claws to terrorise a small community in Victorian England. There have been reported problems on set, but it certainly will be interesting to see a good classic werewolf film again, a'la An American Werewolf in London.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
I actually profiled this one as part of this week's Trailer Tuesday feature. Basically the Underworld saga continues in this third installment, sans Kate Beckinsale. Instead, the action centres on the origin of the intense animosity between the Death Dealers (vampires) and Lycans (werewolves) - and is set in Europe during the Dark Ages.
Dead Snow
What's better than hacking and slashing through zombies? How about hacking and slashing through Nazi zombies? This Norwegian horror flick has been gaining a strong following wherever it's screened. Basically it focuses on a group of sex-crazed medical students on a skiing trip who suddenly find their log cabin surrounded by the undead... in uniform. Apparently it's incredibly bloody and a lot of fun.
The Lovely Bones
Lord of the Rings director Peter's Jackson's follow-up to King Kong, The Lovely Bones is based on the best-selling supernatural novel. It focuses on a young girl who is murdered and then watches over her family and killer from the afterlife.
I always pay attention whatever Jackson is doing. Pity the film stars Mark Wahlberg *groan*.
2012
From the director of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow comes another big, presumably dumb, apocalypse film. This time the world comes to an end as the Mayan calendar runs to the conclusion of its centuries-long cycle. The teaser trailer showed the Himalayas being swamped by a mega tidal wave if that gives you any indication of what to expect from the film.
Cheri
A very strange addition to this list, but I can't resist mentioning this end-of-year release which re-teams director Stephen Frears with his Dangerous Liaisons star, Michelle Pfeiffer, and centres on an ageing courtesan and her new young lover. Frears helped Helen Mirren to Oscar glory with The Queen. I'm holding thumbs that he can do the same for Michelle. It's long overdue!
-----------------------------------------------
I'm not interested at all in any of these sequels/reboots, but that seems to put me in the minority as many people are apparently very excited. so, presenting...
Movies I don't give a shit about but other people clearly do:
Fast & Furious
Yes, that ridiculous street racing franchise is back for the FOURTH time, only now it reunites the original's buff, tough and beautiful cast, including Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Michelle Rodriguez. Well, it's not exactly like any of them had something better lined up.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
People just seemed to love the original family film about a down-on-his-luck inventor turned museum security guard (Ben Stiller) who discovers that the exhibits come to life every night. This time, during a museum upgrade the exhibits are relocated to the Federal Archives in Washington, D.C. where new things awaken. Expect much of the same as Museum 1, only with a different selection of stars (including Amy Adams) in the various supporting roles.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
Loud, explosive, overly engineered, incredibly dumb and featuring a semi-naked, glistening Megan Fox - why yes it's time for that inevitable sequel to the live-action film based on the 80's cartoon. This time new things turn into other things, and the plot centres on earlier Cybertron visits to Ancient Egypt.
Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li
I remember the abomination that was the original Street Fighter movie back in the day - Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia bouncing all over a set that made Mortal Kombat look like Lord of the Rings. Now we have a kind of Street Fighter reboot, focusing on Chun Li's (Smallville's Kristin Kreuk) fight for justice. It sounds just as Z-grade as the original film, with even less of a connection to the original game.
Race to Witch Mountain
Back in the 1970s and early 1980s there were a handful of Witch Mountain films, based on the original novel about 2 children of extra-terrestrial origin on the run from the authorities. Now the Disney series is back and it's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson helping out the blonde brother and sister. I'm really just indifferent to this film. I'm sure it will be passable entertainment for the kiddies and their folks.
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