So here we are after another weekend

After working hard last week, and living out a box since Monday when my grandfather arrived from England (and was assigned my room), I decided to reward myself this weekend with some of my favourite pop culture things.

First of all, in terms of Gaming I took my third World of WarCraft character, Herkon the blood elf paladin up 3 levels to 50. Herkon is modeled on my sexually ambiguous, pen-and-paper Dungeons & Dragons character, who incidentally reached Level 17 a few weeks back. In celebration of WOW Herkon reaching such a pivotal level, I decided to give him back a shirt to wear under his armor - in a bid to combat the "gayness" that was this.

In terms of Film, I finally watched my recently purchased copy of The Fly. I haven't seen Cronenberg's classic in years and I was pleasantly surprised by the revisit now as an adult viewer. The fact that the film uses make-up and puppetry as opposed to CGI to achieve scientist Seth Brundle's (Jeff Goldblum) increasingly nauseating transformation into a man-fly hybrid, helps the film stand up after *gulp* 24 years. It's a gritty horror romance that I think provided a hefty chunk of inspiration for last year's big sci-fi hit District 9 - well, at least in terms of Wikus's transformation and the impact it has on his relationship with his wife. In The Fly it's Geena Davis who keeps coming back to try and help her increasingly monstrous man.

On Sunday, I celebrated my birthday by claiming my free movie ticket from the Ster Kinekor Movie Club (I love that membership perk) and going to watch Sherlock Holmes. Of course I'll have a full review up here soon but in summary I thought the film was a bit of a mixed bag. I had absolutely no problem with Robert Downey Jr's more action-orientated portrayal of the famous sleuth, and I particularly enjoyed his "old married couple" interactions with Jude Law's Watson. I was also blown away by the film's delicious visual depiction of gothic, grimy Victorian England. However, after a great start, the storyline grew too convoluted for my liking. It felt like a number of events and general running around was inserted to make the big mystery seem more complicated than it really was.

Anyway, as I've already mentioned, Sunday, yesterday, was my birthday - and it was celebrated with movies, brunch with friends and then a late lunch with family. Notable present loot included Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut DVD, District 9, the Dead Space PC game, the second Hellboy trade paperback, books 2-4 of the Twilight saga and a head torch.

So anyway, here I am: 28, unemployed (well, apart from doing some freelance), living at home and, since 27 December, single after 6 and a half years. And for the record, that last change has no big dramatic reason behind it and no one to blame. Quarter life crises all around had the most impact.

2010 can only improve things, right? Make me sound like less of a loser when I know I'm not? Quell the jealousy that while everyone else my age seems to be getting on with their adult lives (buying property, living independently, advancing in their careers, getting engaged, getting married, having kids), I ain't - despite doing everything right; everything expected of me? Anyway, I'm not going to do a big rundown of my goals and resolutions for 2010, like I did last year.

The big lesson I learned in 2009 is that with stagnation comes (figurative) death. And it's not nice death like in a Neil Gaiman story. It's a nasty let's-hurt-you-in-cruel-and-unusual-ways Final Destination-style death. If you sit for too long in your comfort zone, bad change will seek you out, ripping you from your little haven - even if you've been thinking about change for a while but have been too lazy or scared to make a move. So in 2010, I'm going to try and work on making positive changes in my life.

My big wish for 2010: To feel wanted, professionally and personally. Not to be taken for granted. To have people say "Jeez, we know what you do, and we appreciate it. We value your presence in our lives." I know that probably sounds horribly "me"-centric; delusions that have stemmed from a sense of arrogant twentysomething entitlement. However, I do think everyone has the right to feel that way.

I know I could be more assertive. I know if I got the attention and affection I want I'd probably hesitate and strain against it at first. I'm an overly cautious Capricorn in nature after all. It's just that I know what I'm capable of; my various strengths. Sometimes though I need a push... or is that a pull? And there's nothing like the knowledge that you matter/you're making a difference to someone or something to give your self confidence a boost, and elevate your optimism. Noelle out.


amok.leonard said…
I find that ultimately, life has a sneaky way of leading you to exactly where you should be. Once you realise this, you start to see the road markers that confirm you are meant to be where you are.
(Well, in my experience anyway)

Professional acceptance only really comes from those who understand what it is that you do - which generally eliminates other departments and management. If you establish a personal relationship with someone in another department, they tend to see and understand more of what you do.

Usually your efforts wont be seen though - case in point, you probably don't know how often and how hard I tried to cover your forum browsing/bandwidth hogging at Evil Corp ;-)

On a personal level, I find people tend to be too involved in themselves to acknowledge the difference other people make. Best you can do is try to make a positive difference to people and hope they see the value in it.

That is the most rewarding part about my training and teaching - when someone comes back to me and tells me how it made a difference or how they used the training.

And if it's pushing and pulling you want - I got a 4.9m power kite that will give you plenty ;-P

Hope you have a great week
Jedi said…
Happy Birthday for yesterday Pfangirl.
Shouldn't nice Death be capitalized, because there's a lot of gruesome and bad death in Gaiman's stories...
Craig said…
Eish, sorry to hear about the breakup (only caught it now).

Six and a half years is a long time to stay together before calling it quits! Luckily for you though, I'm sure there are still plenty of lonely Popular Culture, Comic Books and World of Warcraft geeks out there in your side of the world! ;)

Good luck! :)
Pfangirl said…
Steven, thanks for your thoughtful comments. You're right in all regards, and it's nice to hear from someone who has been through a similar situation on the career front.

Jedi, thanks for the bday wishes. Long time no see online :)

MJenks, you're right. My apologies to you and the Endless.

Craig, it's a bitter sweet situation because although it's upsetting and I've lost such an important person in my life, I kind of knew it was coming. It's a relief not having to wake up every morning wondering if my partner's heart is in it, and if the break-up will be that day.
amok.leonard said…
Hey Noelle ... Guess I'm not just a grumpy tech in the corner after all ;)

I've been through similar on more than just the career front. You've got my email address, so feel free to drop me a mail if you want to chat, ask questions, think out loud, bounce something off me (as long as its not a brick or something), vent or otherwise.
suresh jayan said…
Hi Noelle, first of all wish you a belated happy birthday.

I wont call a freelancer unemployed. It is a leap of faith which takes a lot of courage and self belief. It is something I dream of all the time. One day eventually I will muster enough courage to do something like that.

You are not content with the current situation this feeling is the push or pull you need, dont you think so?

Working in a bank, doing the same boring things day after day (or pretending to do) just for the sake of the paycheque which comes every month-end; thats what I call 'Stagnation' and being in a 'comfort zone'.

I know your life is no fairy tale. From my point of view it seems pretty eventful,exciting and even inspiring. I'm sure there must be a lot of people who appreciate your presence in their life,(I know I do eventhough its only an online presence). People just dont talk about things like that. They would rather talk about the weather than about ho much someone means to them unless they are going away.
Pfangirl said…
Thanks for the offer, Steven:)

Hey Suresh, thanks for your kind words. It's really nice to hear from someone on the other side of the world who enjoys and actually *gulp* draws inspiration from what I do - well, on this blog at least, anyway. It really is such a confidence boost to hear that from someone.

I know I should count myself lucky that I even have this opportunity to explore new opportunities without the stress of having to rush out and quickly find another job just for the money. Like you I had pretty much reached a point in my last job where I was sitting there every day really just doing it for a monthly paycheque. It's just that sometimes I get impatient for change and rewards. But I guess that's human nature.

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