Weekend Round-up
The weekend was a hit and miss affair. Mostly miss as I sat at home the whole time until Sunday evening, and was woken at 5am on Saturday with a touch of gastro/food poisoning (I blame Centre Court at the Pavilion, where myself, my mother and my sister had lunch on Friday).
Anyway, After Paul’s big relationship talk on Thursday I promptly didn’t hear from him for a few days. I knew he was going to be on his sister’s farm on Saturday (taking G and Shirley up to do graphic design for Megan’s horse therapy company), either heading up there early on Saturday morning, or late on Friday. So I wasn’t too bothered that I didn’t hear anything from him then.
I was mildly annoyed when I went online on Friday evening and discovered him on MSN. It turns out he was going to the farm early on Saturday but hadn’t bothered to call me and tell me that he was sitting at home.
The kicker was Sunday morning when I received an SMS that he was going back up to the farm to help his father with manual labour in preparation for one of Megan’s courses which began today, Monday.
Now I’m quite emotionally fragile at the moment with uncertainties about my future. I haven’t been sleeping well. Since Thursday I’d been sitting and brooding over Paul’s concerns about our relationship, imagining things into existence as I am prone to do when I think about things too much. Receiving Paul’s curt SMS, I ended up sitting on my bed feeling tearful (I never used to be so emotional). I think I’m depressed.
Anyway, the atmosphere at home wasn’t helped by the huge argument my father and sister were having, so I retreated into the garden to escape the tension and the claustrophobia. So basically my Sunday was spent sun-tanning and re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
In the evening I was picked up by Paul for bowling at the Pavilion. I told him how I was feeling neglected, and his response was something along the lines of ‘I’m just feeling wishy-washy about so much right now, and honestly that includes wanting to contact you.’ So, whatever. I’m beginning to think that Paul has to do some serious self-examination and growing up (his mother bought him, a 23 year old, a Marvel superhero advent calendar, for God’s sakes).
I’m just feeling really miserable about this all right now. I’m even crying as I type this. All I know is that my misery is largely because I do really care so much about Paul and I don’t want to lose him. Forgetting anything else, he is my best friend.
Anyway, before this blog entry becomes too whiny, it was nice seeing most of the crowd for bowling on Sunday evening. We had to make use of the vouchers we won at the SPCA quiz before they expired. So there was me, Paul, Natasha, Matt, Mark,G (Shirlz was at home working on her thesis), Mark’s sister Diane and her new squeeze Jeff. The guys, with the exception of Matt, were surprisingly off-form. Natasha was also doing really well until Mark succeeded in psyching her out when she was on her last frame. The result was a gutter ball. That helped me, as did a strike on my last frame, which gave me a bonus shot. So eventually I was on 102 points and Natasha, despite her earlier yells of ‘Jocks rule’ and ‘Down with the nerds’, scored 100 points.
The match was followed by free waffles and Spinner ice creams at Milky Lane (also part of our General Knowledge prize). Afterwards, I was dropped off at home and pretty much finished Goblet of Fire before going to bed.
Today, Monday, I sat digitising home videos which I will now have to edit into DVD (homemade Christmas pressie), watching The Punisher, starting my Christmas cards, chatting to Walt about GEAR magazine and its future (God, I hope it really takes off), and writing this blog entry.
Now to get working on my second GEAR column…
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Postscript (Monday 9pm): Like I said, I have the tendency to dwell in my head and with prolonged brooding, problems swell to appear much larger than they really are. I’m not saying that Paul and I don’t have issues to worth through. But everything above this postscript was written when I was in a highly emotional state. I’ve just been on the phone to Paul and our conversation was nice; normal and reassuring. I feel a bit better.
Anyway, After Paul’s big relationship talk on Thursday I promptly didn’t hear from him for a few days. I knew he was going to be on his sister’s farm on Saturday (taking G and Shirley up to do graphic design for Megan’s horse therapy company), either heading up there early on Saturday morning, or late on Friday. So I wasn’t too bothered that I didn’t hear anything from him then.
I was mildly annoyed when I went online on Friday evening and discovered him on MSN. It turns out he was going to the farm early on Saturday but hadn’t bothered to call me and tell me that he was sitting at home.
The kicker was Sunday morning when I received an SMS that he was going back up to the farm to help his father with manual labour in preparation for one of Megan’s courses which began today, Monday.
Now I’m quite emotionally fragile at the moment with uncertainties about my future. I haven’t been sleeping well. Since Thursday I’d been sitting and brooding over Paul’s concerns about our relationship, imagining things into existence as I am prone to do when I think about things too much. Receiving Paul’s curt SMS, I ended up sitting on my bed feeling tearful (I never used to be so emotional). I think I’m depressed.
Anyway, the atmosphere at home wasn’t helped by the huge argument my father and sister were having, so I retreated into the garden to escape the tension and the claustrophobia. So basically my Sunday was spent sun-tanning and re-reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
In the evening I was picked up by Paul for bowling at the Pavilion. I told him how I was feeling neglected, and his response was something along the lines of ‘I’m just feeling wishy-washy about so much right now, and honestly that includes wanting to contact you.’ So, whatever. I’m beginning to think that Paul has to do some serious self-examination and growing up (his mother bought him, a 23 year old, a Marvel superhero advent calendar, for God’s sakes).
I’m just feeling really miserable about this all right now. I’m even crying as I type this. All I know is that my misery is largely because I do really care so much about Paul and I don’t want to lose him. Forgetting anything else, he is my best friend.
Anyway, before this blog entry becomes too whiny, it was nice seeing most of the crowd for bowling on Sunday evening. We had to make use of the vouchers we won at the SPCA quiz before they expired. So there was me, Paul, Natasha, Matt, Mark,G (Shirlz was at home working on her thesis), Mark’s sister Diane and her new squeeze Jeff. The guys, with the exception of Matt, were surprisingly off-form. Natasha was also doing really well until Mark succeeded in psyching her out when she was on her last frame. The result was a gutter ball. That helped me, as did a strike on my last frame, which gave me a bonus shot. So eventually I was on 102 points and Natasha, despite her earlier yells of ‘Jocks rule’ and ‘Down with the nerds’, scored 100 points.
The match was followed by free waffles and Spinner ice creams at Milky Lane (also part of our General Knowledge prize). Afterwards, I was dropped off at home and pretty much finished Goblet of Fire before going to bed.
Today, Monday, I sat digitising home videos which I will now have to edit into DVD (homemade Christmas pressie), watching The Punisher, starting my Christmas cards, chatting to Walt about GEAR magazine and its future (God, I hope it really takes off), and writing this blog entry.
Now to get working on my second GEAR column…
---
Postscript (Monday 9pm): Like I said, I have the tendency to dwell in my head and with prolonged brooding, problems swell to appear much larger than they really are. I’m not saying that Paul and I don’t have issues to worth through. But everything above this postscript was written when I was in a highly emotional state. I’ve just been on the phone to Paul and our conversation was nice; normal and reassuring. I feel a bit better.
Comments
I know that especially after a fight or a relationship talk, I need contact with SRXy as reassurance that things are going to be OK. I understand that after a fight we all need our space to think things through but it's always nice to get a short sms, even if it's to say: "Hi. Hope you enjoy your day." But unfortunatley men don't always think the way we (women) do.
I don't know you that well but I have been reading your blog about the whole relationship situation - I hope that you and Paul sort things out and find what you are looking for.
Stacey, I really think you're spot on about women, especially, needing reassurance after a fight or big discussion. That's when I'm at my most vulnerable, sitting alone in my room and brooding about things. And the contact that I want is missing.
Oh, just for the record, I do pop in at the blogs of all you guys even if I don't necessarily comment.
Some of my guy friends who struggled with this "gear" change do so because they are terrified that if they settle-down they will miss out on something...the illusive "hottie, nymphomaniac, chef" who will satisfy their every need...however once they have settled down, they are the first to admit to the superiority of the special thing that constitutes a loving relationship between two people. I know this sounds soppy and over-romanticised, but it isn't. Just be patient Noelle, I hope for his sake, that he realises how much you care for him.
SRXy