The Reality of Gamer Relationships
July is here and that means it's time to put my July GEAR column on my blog... for those of you out there who don't buy the magazine. Anyway, this is one of my favourite columns, and was probably the fastest and easist to write.
I was especially fond of the fact that this is probably the first time the issue has been explored in SA gaming journalism (probably because of my 'normal' woman status, instead of being a diehard male geek).
I've also finally been paid for my May and June columns. I now have to invoice for my July work and backtrack to April. Remind me never to embrace journalism full time unless I'm an in-demand name who can demand my own salary. The money is pretty bad... Thank God my GEAR writing is for published experience and I'm not reliant on the income.
The Reality of Gamer Relationships
Desired by many, achieved by few, it’s a fantasy clutched to the hearts of countless gamers. I’m not talking about a next generation console or a brand new, top-end graphics card. I’m talking about a partner who games.
What makes the gamer relationship fantasy so appealing is that it is possible. There are couples out there who choose to push aside the DVD player on a winter’s evening and instead haul out the PS2 for some Mortal Kombat, or indulge in an intimate one-on-one session of Warcraft III on their networked PCs.
Of course, the majority of these fantasising gamers are men. Although the number of game-playing women is on the increase, it’s still the male of the species who typically faces a frown when he optimistically holds out the dual-shock controller. Or, more likely, a panicked I’m-trapped-with-madman grin when he descends into a frothy-mouthed frenzy about Command and Conquer 3.
Indifferent to condescending ‘boys and their toys’ attitudes have made the gamer relationship an appealing concept to so many. Consider the benefits. Gaming as a shared interest means there’s no need to worry about your partner feeling neglected at the Saturday afternoon braai-LAN combo. You can lead a more cohesive, rewarding existence where your loves are brought together, and enjoyed simultaneously.
But let’s scrape some of the gloss from the fantasy. The gaming couple has been so idealised that the darker reality of such a relationship has been forgotten.
Like it not, gaming brings competition into a relationship. Many a Hollywood marriage has collapsed because one partner is more successful than the other. Gaming is similar. Continual losses to your significant other, whether they involve crossed finishing lines, knock outs or a good old-fashioned headshot from across the stage, begin to smart after a while. Seething resentment is the likely result.
To avoid such conflict, it makes sense to alternate between games where each partner has an advantage. Or, find a title where you are equally matched. Or, just stick to co-operative mode.
But even co-op has its sour side. There’s nothing quite like the frustration of calling for reinforcements during an intense Real Time Strategy battle, and having your partner’s forces only turn up once your army has been flattened into a carpet of bones and blood.
Who can forget cartridge classic Ice Climber? The leap to the next level quite literally left your Eskimo buddy with nothing to stand on, plunging him to his death.
There are other situations within a gamer relationship to be wary of. Don’t, for example, force advice on your partner if they are struggling. Don’t mock their gaming tastes, even if they are predominantly Sims related.
Most important of all: Never assume that your partner is content to watch you play Oblivion for 3 hours.
Gamer relationships are hugely rewarding experiences. Place them on your wishlist. Just remember, though, that ultimately they are like all relationships. No single shared interest can sustain them forever. Like a garden, a relationship requires tending in all areas.
I was especially fond of the fact that this is probably the first time the issue has been explored in SA gaming journalism (probably because of my 'normal' woman status, instead of being a diehard male geek).
I've also finally been paid for my May and June columns. I now have to invoice for my July work and backtrack to April. Remind me never to embrace journalism full time unless I'm an in-demand name who can demand my own salary. The money is pretty bad... Thank God my GEAR writing is for published experience and I'm not reliant on the income.
The Reality of Gamer Relationships
Desired by many, achieved by few, it’s a fantasy clutched to the hearts of countless gamers. I’m not talking about a next generation console or a brand new, top-end graphics card. I’m talking about a partner who games.
What makes the gamer relationship fantasy so appealing is that it is possible. There are couples out there who choose to push aside the DVD player on a winter’s evening and instead haul out the PS2 for some Mortal Kombat, or indulge in an intimate one-on-one session of Warcraft III on their networked PCs.
Of course, the majority of these fantasising gamers are men. Although the number of game-playing women is on the increase, it’s still the male of the species who typically faces a frown when he optimistically holds out the dual-shock controller. Or, more likely, a panicked I’m-trapped-with-madman grin when he descends into a frothy-mouthed frenzy about Command and Conquer 3.
Indifferent to condescending ‘boys and their toys’ attitudes have made the gamer relationship an appealing concept to so many. Consider the benefits. Gaming as a shared interest means there’s no need to worry about your partner feeling neglected at the Saturday afternoon braai-LAN combo. You can lead a more cohesive, rewarding existence where your loves are brought together, and enjoyed simultaneously.
But let’s scrape some of the gloss from the fantasy. The gaming couple has been so idealised that the darker reality of such a relationship has been forgotten.
Like it not, gaming brings competition into a relationship. Many a Hollywood marriage has collapsed because one partner is more successful than the other. Gaming is similar. Continual losses to your significant other, whether they involve crossed finishing lines, knock outs or a good old-fashioned headshot from across the stage, begin to smart after a while. Seething resentment is the likely result.
To avoid such conflict, it makes sense to alternate between games where each partner has an advantage. Or, find a title where you are equally matched. Or, just stick to co-operative mode.
But even co-op has its sour side. There’s nothing quite like the frustration of calling for reinforcements during an intense Real Time Strategy battle, and having your partner’s forces only turn up once your army has been flattened into a carpet of bones and blood.
Who can forget cartridge classic Ice Climber? The leap to the next level quite literally left your Eskimo buddy with nothing to stand on, plunging him to his death.
There are other situations within a gamer relationship to be wary of. Don’t, for example, force advice on your partner if they are struggling. Don’t mock their gaming tastes, even if they are predominantly Sims related.
Most important of all: Never assume that your partner is content to watch you play Oblivion for 3 hours.
Gamer relationships are hugely rewarding experiences. Place them on your wishlist. Just remember, though, that ultimately they are like all relationships. No single shared interest can sustain them forever. Like a garden, a relationship requires tending in all areas.
Comments
Unless you are a gamer, being in a relationship with a gamer is extremely difficult. It's not like it's another woman that you can call up and threaten her with her life, no, it's a pc and as such if you toss it, you in all likelihood will get tossed yourself.
I never want to be in another relationship with a gamer if I can help it, and if I do, then there need to be some serious ground rules set. I've had more than enough of sitting through dinner while he fiddles on the pc, or being ignored for two weeks at a time while he plays the latest game. No thank you. You're lucky Noelle, because you enjoy gaming and are good at it, therefore you can be a worthy adversary, but for the general gamers like Denbeigh (who I think has only recently started playing games) and myself who simply can't compete with their boyfriends it just isn't all that much fun.